Saturday, October 9, 2010
In my house there are several boxes of VHS tapes that I have begun to pick through and watch. One by one I have been piecing together my childhood memories that I have long since forgotten. Each video feels familiar. Every room and every play thing lingers in my memory just beyond reach of true recollection. I watch Kady, my sister, and I unskillfully play with each simple toy as though it were the best toy any child could have. There are segments where all I do is follow Kady around trying to keep the attention of the camera on myself and show off my flimsy plastic Halloween bucket.
In another I follow Kady, but not for attention, I follow her to keep her from getting into trouble. Even though mom is never outside of arms reach with the video camera I patrol my sister with upstanding vigilance. No bonks or scrapes on this day.
Even now a few short hours after watching the videos I don't know why I teared up. Maybe it had to do with some long lost connection I have had from the past that I had grown unaware of. Maybe it was because I couldn't even believe it myself that someone so small had actually grown up to be what I think might be a stand up guy. My sister as well. Kady was much so small. It was strange to see both of us standing short with bright blond hair mangled to give the appearance of the popular chili bowl hair styles of the late eighties. My sister has grown up a lot, and even though I am not there to protect her from falling down and scraping her knees, I think she knows she can count on me to help her out whenever she needs it.
Today I have watched my own childhood from a 18 inch television screen and something about it scared me. I have forgotten so much more than I would ever have expected. It made me sad to think that even though I remember a few of the larger more important events in my life I have forgotten the smallest details. Isn't it the smallest details that matter the most? Don't people say that its the little things in life that count? This made me start to realize how important it is to document so much in life. Photographs, videos, journals, diaries, napkin squiggles, and random sticky notes. Things that have little meaning at the time could mean the world in 20 years. I want to capture my life. I want to go live life, learn new crafts, and meet new people. While I am only just now figuring out how important these things are I have already been busy surrounding myself with opportunities to make my life glow bright.