Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tribute To The Tank
Bouldering...this weekend Frank Mendez will be attempting a death defying highball in hopes to nab an ascent on 'Peasants into Leaders'. While this terrifying boulder often turns heads and eyes of all climbers alike to the ground in attempts to drown out the thought of pulling moves at that height, Frank cant stop talking about it. On this up coming Saturday the usual crew will be heading up to area D at Mt Evans. Each person with a problem in mind, each person with a sickening feeling in their stomach that they may or may not see someone feeling out holds at the top of a boulder that has tossed many experienced climbers from its 30 foot face to the dirt. Frank's mind will not falter to any skeptical thought coming from any one person or another. Frank will not waver at a sign of worry, and will not regret mistakes or outcomes, send or fail. But from my time spent climbing with him I believe that if the time comes to make a choice that may result negatively against himself and his many friends spotting him under this problem he will choose wisely. This being a characteristic of who Frank 'The Tank' Mendez is, as well as a reflection of what his friends and family respect and reason to indulge in his company.
Now how about a little background on Frank. The history of Frank is very similar to that of the history of Chuck Norris. Frank Mendez eats rocks and shits lightening bolts. I remember a day when Frank was walking through the forest looking for hippies to burn as firewood when a wild boar crossed his path. Big mistake. Frank lifted the boar into the air with his mind, spun him around, and digested him telekinetically. And Frank wasn't even hungry. Frank Mendez has fought in almost every major war, including the Korean war, World War I, the American Civil War, the Peloponnesian War, the Iran-Iraq War(on both sides simultaneously), the War of the Worlds, and the War on Drugs. The only War Frank hasn't fought in is the Macedonian War cause he doesn't care about Macedonia.
Here is a list of Frank Mendez's favorite foods
Frank Mendez is the world champion in tae kwon do, jujutsu, kickboxing, karate, sumo wrestling, tae bo, pad tai, Street Fighter II, and holds a certificate of participation in the national spelling bee. Frank Mendez has no weakness; he is the ultimate fighting machine. Frank Mendez was not born he spontaneously came into existence on Karl Marx's Birthday. This was no coincidence since Chuck Norris is the polar opposite of communism; he is the yang to communism's yin, and the very thought of a political theory that suggests that people should have their own means of production in a classless society makes Frank Mendez want to puke.
The world continues to develop characters of amazing abilities and luck who have the uncanny ability to kill. Different characters including King Leonituce and Master Chief from the popular video game Halo.
Good luck to Frank and everyone else heading out to climb this weekend and expect updates of success very shortly.