Its early morning and as tired as I should be i cannot get to sleep. My thoughts that have been dwelling away in the far back of my mind have stirred and are waking up. With recent and unforeseen events bringing buried thoughts to my eyes in the darkness; lighting movie screens of a hoped for future behind each eyelid leaving myself in a battle over sanity. I cant flush any thought from my head in fear that while doing so I lose thought, and in losing thought I lose ideas, ideals, innovation. Forcing my eyes open, leaving screenplays of recent memories fade to the background. Forcing myself to rise from my warm sleepless bed trying to obtain a reason to remain awake. Searching for some rite of midnight mind wandering illness but only finding a piece of white paper and black pen.
"It matters not what this paper be made of. Give me human flesh dried on steal hooks and nooses."
I begin carving ideas into my white paper. Recalling every thought, image, and word to my finger tips. Recording in hope that in the morning after perhaps a heavy 2 hours of sleep all these drawings in my head will be resurrected and find their way to a picture on my computer screen. Hope that by morning when these ideas will though not been harvested from my dreams but instead engraved to my eyelids. Burned as though by nuclear flash leaving imprints of wandering memories to be seen in every blink of my eyes.
Its 1am now and still no sign of sleep. Not a taste of sound from outside my open window. Not a lick of moon light from the cloud covered sky. I guess everybody else found sleep today. Not me, no sleep for the weary this morning. If you could call this morning. More like black drenched purgatory suspending my brain in a web of thought spun by whispers of happiness. 'Does she like me that much?'. Though this thought is filling my head with carefully crafted webs of truth I feel the design of this hope is weak. Sure maybe it will hold true overtime if handled with care. But could one slip end it like a kid destroying the web for amusement. Doubt.
Why always so doubtful?
Cheer up Danny.
Have a laugh and get it out of your head for now.
I am happy. But I'm still so damn tired.